There’s one moment in my career that I can say, without hesitation, completely changed my trajectory. I was 29 or 30, maybe a year into a new role, sitting around a table with peers, brainstorming with our boss. The ideas were flying and someone threw out a suggestion I didn’t think was great. I glanced down, shook my head, and said, “That’s a stupid idea. That won’t work.”
Not my proudest moment.
The meeting wrapped up and my boss asked me to stay back. Everyone else left and she said something I still think about four or five times a week.
She said, “You know, I love that you have opinions. You’re often right. But boy, you have really horrible delivery.”
And she was right.
She explained that while my comment may have been accurate, the way I said it completely shut someone down in front of their peers. What that person heard wasn’t “That idea might not work.” What they heard was, “You’re dumb.” And that matters.
She gave me a masterclass in one conversation- on delivery, empathy, leadership and communication. She walked me through what I could’ve said instead: “I see why you’d think that ut what if we tried this?” Or “I get where you’re coming from, here’s why I think we might struggle with it.”
That conversation has saved me in probably thousands of interactions since. It made me pause. It made me think before I speak. And it made me realize that how we say things is just as important, if not more important, than what we say.
That moment didn’t just change how I handled meetings. It changed how I lead teams, how I give feedback and how I treat people.
And here’s the kicker: I’m grateful for it. Deeply. It was a moment of conflict, a moment of criticism, but it came from a place of care. My boss could’ve let it slide. Instead, she stopped me. She said the hard thing. And in doing so, she helped shape the leader I am today.
So,if you’re looking for that career-defining moment, it may not come in a promotion or a big win. It might come in a quiet conversation, when someone cares enough to help you see what you couldn’t see for yourself.
And if you’re lucky, you’ll listen.